I went to a worship service a few weeks ago. It was just that, two hours of praise and singing, and I realized how badly I needed it as I was leaving. I saw a picture on the wall that was about being with God, and that we’re not alone in our problems, we’re not alone in our life. I was thinking about how many people are wondering about their faith, but instead of asking questions, just pressing pause while sitting on the fence, wondering which side to jump onto.
I for some reason was feeling for those people on this particular Friday night, thinking that most people unless they have plans, are sitting at home, thinking about the week, or maybe getting deep into their own thoughts. Just thinking of our CrossFit community… and that I can’t reach them all personally through just simply making a post… that only does so much. That doesn’t answer people's questions, that just yells out what I think the answers to my own personal questions are….
I was burdened and couldn’t think of a solution.… I was trying to figure out how to solve my problem. How can I reach people? How can I be there for them? How can I talk to people about their faith? Am I even qualified or equipped enough mentally and spiritually to comfort people and talk about their relationship with God?
So I just left a subtle message and said if anyone was curious, to DM me. Not knowing what to expect, I sat around for a few minutes, and nothing had happened. I got out of my car, came in through the front door, and checked again. No message. I was regretting my decision, thinking I was looking too vulnerable on a Friday night and started wondering if I should actually be out doing something better.
The next time I lazily checked to see if anyone that questioned their faith wanted to talk or needed answers…. I checked and there were piles of messages! I was on a roll trying to juggle multiple people at a time, and searching my brain for every answer I had. Flipping through my bible and racing my brain back to the bible study where we had researched things similar. I was answering the simplest questions like “What version of the bible should I buy if it’s my first one?” all the way to, “I have strayed away from God and now I don’t feel worthy of coming back. I’ve messed up too much, and I don’t think I’m ‘good enough’ for church.”
I haven’t been this fulfilled in so long. I loved having these conversations with people. I couldn’t believe that people could be so vulnerable talking to someone they’ve never met. But that’s the thing with social media, we feel like we know each other. We learn about someone’s daily life with the highs and the lows, and we feel connected. That’s fellowship right there, and that’s a great start.
I question all the time why God gave me this platform. I am convinced that it was for his purpose. There’s no way he’d put me under the microscope just to show people how much I love working out in a gym. There has to be something more. If anything, I’ve discovered that although CrossFit does a lot of good, it makes a terrible God. Misplaced worship that goes to gym time that instead can be offered upwards. I’m not sure what my purpose is yet, but I know who my creator is, and I’m what we call “unashamed.” I don’t know the meaning of life, and am not over-educated in theology or philosophical by any means, but I know what hurting is. I know how pain feels, and I can say that I could relate to every single one of the questions I received. When I did the same thing the next friday night, I realized I wouldn’t rather be doing anything else. I wish I had better answers, more accurate scripture quotes, more verses memorized, better timing, better eye-sight for staring at a phone for hours (I’m kidding but seriously, I’m going to go blind if I don’t find a better system lol).
Meanwhile as I was thinking that I wasn’t “good enough” to talk to these people that want to take the next step in their faith but don’t know how….. I realized I am exactly where God wants me to be. I had to remind people over and over that I’m a sinner too. That I’ve been there, where they’re at, and that they’re not alone. On a weekly basis I say things I shouldn’t, hurt people I love, and make bad choices. Just because I don’t post about it on the internet doesn’t mean that I’m perfect, because I’m not. Just because I read the bible a lot doesn’t’ mean I’m a “good christian” it mostly means I know I’m in need of a lot of work, and there is only one way to see change.
I can’t thank the people enough for writing in the last few friday nights. I needed it just as much as they did. I think I’ll test out this tradition, and see how often we should set up these “Friday Night Truths.”
If you’re a believer, I want to encourage you to share your faith, and take the time to love on people. Meet people where they’re at, with no expectations. I want to remind you what Jesus did for us, and by keeping it to ourselves, we’re limiting the love and growth of our country.
So here’s to getting the courage to feel completely … unashamed.